guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
