Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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