guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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