my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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