She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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