someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
