It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
