so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
