i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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