When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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