I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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