just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
