This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's great music for shaving your balls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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