guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
