More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
