May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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