He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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