does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize