Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
