Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
