I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
