PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
