Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
