Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
