I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
