Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
