with your own penis?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize