in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
