honey bunches of taint.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
