Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
