Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
