She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
