Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
