I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
