So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
