I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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