we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
