she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
