I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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