oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
