I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
