You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
