The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
