I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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