the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
