I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize