A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
