I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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