I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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