i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
