if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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