? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
