Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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