If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
