as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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