So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
