I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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