Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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