I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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