I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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