She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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