So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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