So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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