I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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