Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
