The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
