Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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