i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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