God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
being pregnant is like rehab
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
