Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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