someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
