i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
