toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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