U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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