You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
