I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
