Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
