k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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