how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
