I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That accounts for only three of the penises
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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