she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
