she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
