it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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