God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
