Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
