If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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