I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
