It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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