Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
