I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
