THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
