the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
