I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize