She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
