Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
