You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
