Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
