I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
