i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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