Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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