OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
