I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
