He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize