Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
