Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My cat gives me a boner
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
