literally had 100 drinks last night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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