I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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