How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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