I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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