all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
