your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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