I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize