none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
