i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
