Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
