apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
