just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
