i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
