How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
