Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
