What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
