best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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