We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
